Pounding

God Dammit.
So yeah, I applied to perpich center for arts education.
and yeah, everyone told me I would get in.
So why did I believe them?
and why did I have to go and plan my future around something I had no control over?
Why did they reject me?
I have no idea and I don't want to know.
Now i feel left out in the cold and startled
I've been very discouraged lately because of this.
I really was hoping I would get into this school.
I really was hoping the I could progress in my dream to be an artist.
But now its been stunted and I don't feel like making art anymore.
I feel like that's not what I'm good at. Which leaves me with nothing that I excel in.

However I've started skateboarding again and its helped with some stress and anxiety.

So next year I will be transferring to Armstrong High School. Not sure what to think about it. I feel like its going to be an interesting year. What bugs me is that Calvin's grade system and class names don't really carry over to public school curriculum. So... they don't really know how much I actually know and what classes I have taken because of the different names and numbers of classes. Which makes it difficult to figure out what classes I need to graduate. It's going to be hard but I think I will learn a lot.

Wish me luck.

__MICAH__

Screaming

Inside, screaming.
I scream inside because
I do not know how to scream outside
My useless vocations have no face
No way to exit
No way to expand
Reverberations, humming in my throat
Muffled by flesh and mucus

Perhaps this is the way it is supposed to be
Perhaps my body
Was not made for explosion
Of expression and voice

Or,
Perhaps I am meant to learn
Perhaps I ...need... to learn
How to open my mouth
To rip open the barrier
Create my self an orifice
With which to execute my emotion

So silent I remain
The reverberations remain
The barrier remains
All I can manage is a dull hum
That can't possible represent
My screaming on the inside

Because,

And this is the bare truth,
I do not have a mouth

And so, until I am given a mouth
Or tear myself through to create one
I will never scream
Never cry out for life
Silent I will remain

Silent and Screaming